Last night, I didn’t wake up at 1 AM needing to use the bathroom. HIGHLY UNUSUAL. Instead, I slept all the way until about 3:15. And even then, my need was nowhere near as urgent as usual. I went back to bed, sure that I would drop back off to sleep… but no. Instead, my brain decided that this would be an excellent time to slip into high-velocity worrying mode:
Why didn’t I wake up at 1?
Why wasn’t my bladder as full?
Am I dehydrated?
How is that even possible?
Did drinking caffeine last evening screw something up?
Why was my leg cramping?
Did I somehow hurt myself sitting for four hours grading papers yesterday?
Do I have a blood clot in my leg?
Will they have to amputate?
How will I be a mom with only one leg?
How will I teach with only one leg?
What was this persistent twinge in the right side of my pelvis?
Is it sharp enough to qualify as a cramp?
Do I feel different?
Do I still feel pregnant?
Why is d’Artagnan sitting on my stomach?
Cats can sense pain and problems — does he know something is wrong?
Did I jinx everything by buying a pregnancy book and something for a pre-baby picture I wanted to take?
How was I going to survive another miscarriage?
Could I just quit my job and refuse to leave my bed for a whole year?
So, yeah. I did this for over an hour, until I dozed off enough for my concerns to morph into a vague sense of unease about the summer camp for skateboarders that I was apparently supposed to be organizing, and then my alarm went off and I got up.
In fairness to my paranoid middle-of-the-night self, I do feel somewhat different this morning. (Maybe it’s just because it’s October? Or because I’m nearing Week 11?) There really is a twinge in my lower right abdomen, right around where the pelvis bone is. Instead of feeling vaguely ill before I ate my breakfast, I felt vaguely ill AFTER I ate — and almost gagged when I went to get my leftovers out of the fridge for today’s lunch. I am not even remotely as hungry as I usually am this morning. And my pants feel tighter this morning.
Aaaaaand I’m tired. Dangnabbit, 3 AM freak-out session.