End of the Dock on Payette Lake, 6:30 AM

In these bodies we will live;
In these bodies we will die.
Where you invest your love
You invest your life.

from “Awake My Soul,” Mumford & Sons

Music and silence — the kind of silence that is noisy with water lapping and bird call. Like Emily I’ve grown comfortable with my own company.

I wonder what Emily would have listened to if she’d had an iPod. Or is that a paradox — would music like this have existed if Dickinson hadn’t already done her thing? Would she have grown comfortable in the company of Pink Floyd and Mumford & Sons? Would she have found that they were, at times, all she needed — that rock and roll could save, or at least soothe, her soul?

The word of the day is defiance. I reject the idea that these scars are permanent.

Theologically speaking, I do not believe that music alone can save your mortal soul. But I do believe there are angels in the architecture, so to speak. I believe that some chords pleased the Lord, hallelujah, and that the Scriptures are not diminished by the stereo — or at least, not all stations.

My music is defiant. It is not always noisily defiant, although much of it pulses with aggression. Take “After the Storm,” for example, from the same album as “Awake My Soul.” I think sometimes I get more holiness from the songs on that album than I do in a month of sermons. “After the Storm” never gets aggressive or crazy, but can you feel the tension? Can you feel the strength?

I am stronger than this. I am defiant. This will not define me. I am stronger.

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