Increasingly Uncertain that Michael Jackson Actually Existed

That is, perhaps, an overstatement. I have no real doubt that this

mj1

was Michael Jackson.

I will also allow that this young man

mj2 

was Michael Jackson, as well.

My Suspension of Disbelief Engine turns over, however, when I am asked to believe that the above two photographs show a person who grew up to be

mj3

“Michael Jackson.”

If not actually MJ, though, then who? Well… I have a theory.

THE EVIDENCE

  • Photos, as seen above, show that Michael Jackson appeared to be a black male for only the first two decades of his life.
  • Many times, MJ appeared in public partially or fully masked.
  • Second link in previous bullet point shows MJ crossdressing; the abaya is a woman’s garment in Islamic culture. Celebrity biographer Ian Halperin has just released a book that claims MJ frequently dressed in women’s clothing in an attempt to pass as a woman.
  • In the book, Halperin also claims that MJ took multiple male lovers.
  • MJ died mysteriously; the body was handled and transported in moderate secrecy; the doctor wouldn’t talk about it; the burial location is kept secret.
  • Michael’s father, Joe, responded very strangely to the news of his son’s death. Instead of mourning his child,  he immediately started talking about business and about his record label.
  • MJ’s children were, apparently, born of a surrogate mother using another man’s donated sperm.
  • In the aftermath of MJ’s death, the children allegedly have bonded with Janet and have chosen her as their confidante and preferred caregiver.

 

MY THEORY

Michael Jackson did not die – at least, not in 2009. If he is dead, he died in the early 1980s.

After his early successes, MJ stopped performing. Maybe he decided he didn’t like it and voluntarily retired from the public eye. Maybe he went insane, had a stroke, or otherwise became physically or mentally unable to continue his career. Or, perhaps, he died in some sort of accident.

Joe Jackson knew that his son’s fame was important to his bank account and notoriety, so he refused to let MJ’s career die/retire with him. Instead, he did what came naturally to him – he used his children. Janet had been refused a position with the Jackson 5, but clearly had talent. Using the vast resources of money, connections, and evil genius at his disposal, he transformed Janet into a more androgynous version of Michael.

For decades, Janet enjoyed double fame as herself and her brother. Makeup, computers, and plastic surgery – not to mention context, psychological expectations, and marketing – can work miracles at fooling people.

Understandably, as time went on, the quality of “MJ”‘s work declined.  Things began to fall apart.

Then, someone began pushing for a big tour – one last great hoorah for Michael Jackson, one  last push for the Jackson family coffers. For whatever reason, it became impossible. Maybe Janet got sick of the ruse, got sick of playing dress-up for her father. Maybe someone found out the truth and threatened to expose them. Whatever the case, the tour could not go on – and neither could the second, crazy life of Michael Jackson.

 

HOLES

I don’t understand the pigmentation thing. I don’t understand the inappropriate behavior with children thing. And of course, I mean, yeah. I can use Google the same as anyone else, and I see the photos with Michael and Janet standing there together.

Clearly, my theory has holes, but… it’s feasible!

 

DISCLAIMER

Don’t sue me. If you’re offended, think of this as satire, or the ravings of a madwoman, or the frantic attempt of a blogger to belatedly catch the coat-tails of the media explosion surrounding MJ’s death. And if you’re NOT offended – well, buy me a copy of Catcher in the Rye to show your appreciation, why don’t you?

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4 thoughts on “Increasingly Uncertain that Michael Jackson Actually Existed

  1. Maybe it’s not Janet. Because I think she’s hot in all her own ways and, really, has a totally diferent body type from the MJ of the last 20 years. Well, the last 10 to be sure. So maybe the hole in your theory is simply that it’s someone else who’s good at keeping secrets, just not Janet.

  2. THIS BLOG IS SO STUPID AND FULL OF SH** THAT I DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER TO READ THE WHOLE THING. GET A LIFE AND STOP WRITING LIES AND TRYING TO MISS INFORM PEOPLE. WHAT A IDIOTIC THEORY!

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