I have new towels – oversized, soft, fluffy, daffodil-yellow towels – and this seems like as good a reason as any to try to blog again.
I’ve been off of blogging for a bit. In fact, I’ve been off of teh intranetz for a bit as well. Summer vacation, maybe? I finished teaching summer school at the beginning of July, congratulated myself on now having time to polish up the old blog, and promptly lost all interest in computers. I haven’t been emailing, and I’ve made the weakest of efforts at keeping up with my RSS feeds.
Truth be told, I haven’t missed it. Sorry, intranetz.
But I know that blogging is good for me. It is important, I tell my students, for writers to write. It is important to communicate, if only with yourself and a screen.
I am suffering from a story. The story is in my head, but I can’t make myself let it out. I am intimidated by the blank screen. I am intimidated by the first sentence. My rational/laidback side tells me to skip the first sentence, start wherever feels natural, but my anal-retentive side refuses to do things out of order. If I can’t write the first sentence, I can’t tell the story. At. All.
And as I write this post, I realize how very out of practice I am with this whole “writing” thing. I’ve been reading (lots and lots of wonderful crap – ahh, summer reading!) but I’ve been refusing to commit any of my own thoughts to formal language.
My brain is crowded right now. Questions about friendship. Invincible mentors hospitalized with cancer. Waiting for a job interview, wondering if I will get a job or not, knowing there is nothing more I can do to help myself. Problems with (other peoples’) marriages. Fear of the future. Inertia. Political drama. Pet problems. House problems. Disappointment. Uninvited fits of jealousy and resentment. Confusion.
Somewhere in there, this damn story is suffocating.
And yet… still, I feel no desire to write. I’m going to have to re-create the habit, aren’t I? The Batman documentary on the History Channel last night said that self-regulation is a muscle like any other; I just need to strengthen that muscle back up.
First step: a shower, followed by new towels.
Then, perhaps, I’ll backpost a metric ton of daily jpgs. That, or I’ll admit that that project is dead, and try something different.